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| Ezra-Habonim, the Niles Township Jewish Congregation 4500 Dempster Street, Skokie, IL 60076-2093, (847) 675-4141 Fax: (847) 675-0327, www.ehnt.org, email:admin@ehnt.org |
Life Cycle Events - We are here to help: or 847-675-4141
Bris/Baby naming . Bar/Bat Mitzvah . Wedding . Funeral .
Naming Babies
Certain religious rituals require Hebrew names. Hebrew names are
used for calling people to the Torah. Certain prayers, such as the
memorial prayer or the prayer for the sick, use the Hebrew name.
Legal documents, such as the marriage contract or ketubah, also
use the Hebrew name. Orthodox Jews and Israelis often give their
children a Hebrew name, and that name is used for both everyday
and religious purposes. Elsewhere it has become customary for
Jewish parents to give their children two names - a secular name for
use in the gentile world and a Hebrew name for religious purposes.
Often parents choose Hebrew names that start with the same letter
as the secular name. For instance, Blake's Hebrew name might be
Boaz and Lindsey's might be Leah. Sometimes the secular name is
an interpretation of the Hebrew name, like Jonah for Yonah and
Eva for Chava. The two main sources for Hebrew names for today's
Jewish babies are older Biblical names and modern Israeli names.
About Jewish Naming Customs
Q: Can Ashkenazi Jews name a child after a living relative?
A: It has become an Ashkenazi custom to name a new baby after a
relative that has passed away. This keeps the name and memory
alive, and in a metaphysical way forms a bond between the soul of
the baby and the deceased relative. However, it is by no means
forbidden to give a child the same name as a living relative. The
living relative should be asked permission.
Q: Can Sephardi Jews name a child after a living relative?
A: The Sephardic tradition is to name new babies after living
relatives (based on Talmud Shabbat 134a).
Q: Should we consider our parents wishes when choosing a name for
our child?
A: In such matters a person does not have to consider his parents'
wish, if he opposes it strongly and has good reason to object -
(source: "Code of Jewish Law" Y.D. 240:25).
Q: My sibling already named a child after my grandmother. Can we
"share" the honor of naming him after my grandmother, or do we
need to pick another name.
A: You can definitely name after the grandmother, even though
others may have already honored her memory by doing so. This is a
great honor to the deceased, because its soul can achieve an
elevation based on the good deeds of the namesake. The child,
meanwhile, can be inspired by the good qualities of the deceased --
and make a deep connection to the past.
Q: I am an adult who was never given a Jewish name. Can I give
myself a Jewish name?
A: Yes. The new name can be established by friends calling you and
referring to you as such, for at least thirty days - (source: "Code of
Jewish Law" E.H. 129: "Bet Shmuel" 33 there; "Igrot Moshe" by R'
M. Feinstein, E.H. IV 104).
Sitting Shiva
From the time of death until the conclusion of the funeral, the
primary focus and concern is on the care of the deceased and the
burial preparations. The care for the departed before burial, the
eulogy, the actual burial -- all are done to honor the one who has
died, and not to comfort the mourners. (hyperlink to Lamm article -
the Jewish Way of Death)
However, once shiva begins, the focus shifts to the mourners. The
mourners experience a week of intense grief, and the community is
there to love and comfort and provide for their needs. This is a
critical point, for if one must feel the heart-wrenching pain of grief
and loss, it should be done at a time when all those around are there
to help and comfort.
People are confused as to how to sit shiva and how to properly pay a
shiva call. Because people do not know, and because talking about
death makes people nervous and awkward, the shiva house often
turns into a festive gathering filled with nervous chatter, instead of
the proper house of mourning.
The laws of mourning have the purpose of focusing a person on their
own spirituality. We experience an overall feeling of physical
discomfort as we totally focus on the soul of the one who has
departed. We de-emphasize our own physicality by not pampering
our bodies, so we remember that what we are missing at this time is
not the physical person who is gone, but the essence of who that
person was, which of course is their soul.
The overall focus throughout the week is: I am a soul, my loved one
is a soul
Paying a Shiva Call
When one pays a shiva call, the focus is on comforting the mourners
in their time of greatest grief. Traditionally, one enters the shiva
house quietly with a small knock so as not to startle those inside. No
one should greet visitors; they simply enter on their own.
Food or drinks are not laid out for the visitors, because the
mourners are not hosts. They do not greet the visitors, rise for
them, or see them out.
One who has come to comfort a mourner should not greet the
mourners. In fact, it is best to come in silently and sit down close to
them. Take your cue from the mourners. If they feel like speaking,
let them indicate it to you by speaking first. Then you can talk to
them, but what about? Let them lead and talk about what they want
to talk about. It is best to speak about the one who has passed away,
and if you have any stories or memories to share with the mourner,
this is the time to do so.
Bris/Baby naming . Bar/Bat Mitzvah . Wedding . Funeral .
Naming Babies
Certain religious rituals require Hebrew names. Hebrew names are
used for calling people to the Torah. Certain prayers, such as the
memorial prayer or the prayer for the sick, use the Hebrew name.
Legal documents, such as the marriage contract or ketubah, also
use the Hebrew name. Orthodox Jews and Israelis often give their
children a Hebrew name, and that name is used for both everyday
and religious purposes. Elsewhere it has become customary for
Jewish parents to give their children two names - a secular name for
use in the gentile world and a Hebrew name for religious purposes.
Often parents choose Hebrew names that start with the same letter
as the secular name. For instance, Blake's Hebrew name might be
Boaz and Lindsey's might be Leah. Sometimes the secular name is
an interpretation of the Hebrew name, like Jonah for Yonah and
Eva for Chava. The two main sources for Hebrew names for today's
Jewish babies are older Biblical names and modern Israeli names.
About Jewish Naming Customs
Q: Can Ashkenazi Jews name a child after a living relative?
A: It has become an Ashkenazi custom to name a new baby after a
relative that has passed away. This keeps the name and memory
alive, and in a metaphysical way forms a bond between the soul of
the baby and the deceased relative. However, it is by no means
forbidden to give a child the same name as a living relative. The
living relative should be asked permission.
Q: Can Sephardi Jews name a child after a living relative?
A: The Sephardic tradition is to name new babies after living
relatives (based on Talmud Shabbat 134a).
Q: Should we consider our parents wishes when choosing a name for
our child?
A: In such matters a person does not have to consider his parents'
wish, if he opposes it strongly and has good reason to object -
(source: "Code of Jewish Law" Y.D. 240:25).
Q: My sibling already named a child after my grandmother. Can we
"share" the honor of naming him after my grandmother, or do we
need to pick another name.
A: You can definitely name after the grandmother, even though
others may have already honored her memory by doing so. This is a
great honor to the deceased, because its soul can achieve an
elevation based on the good deeds of the namesake. The child,
meanwhile, can be inspired by the good qualities of the deceased --
and make a deep connection to the past.
Q: I am an adult who was never given a Jewish name. Can I give
myself a Jewish name?
A: Yes. The new name can be established by friends calling you and
referring to you as such, for at least thirty days - (source: "Code of
Jewish Law" E.H. 129: "Bet Shmuel" 33 there; "Igrot Moshe" by R'
M. Feinstein, E.H. IV 104).
Sitting Shiva
From the time of death until the conclusion of the funeral, the
primary focus and concern is on the care of the deceased and the
burial preparations. The care for the departed before burial, the
eulogy, the actual burial -- all are done to honor the one who has
died, and not to comfort the mourners. (hyperlink to Lamm article -
the Jewish Way of Death)
However, once shiva begins, the focus shifts to the mourners. The
mourners experience a week of intense grief, and the community is
there to love and comfort and provide for their needs. This is a
critical point, for if one must feel the heart-wrenching pain of grief
and loss, it should be done at a time when all those around are there
to help and comfort.
People are confused as to how to sit shiva and how to properly pay a
shiva call. Because people do not know, and because talking about
death makes people nervous and awkward, the shiva house often
turns into a festive gathering filled with nervous chatter, instead of
the proper house of mourning.
The laws of mourning have the purpose of focusing a person on their
own spirituality. We experience an overall feeling of physical
discomfort as we totally focus on the soul of the one who has
departed. We de-emphasize our own physicality by not pampering
our bodies, so we remember that what we are missing at this time is
not the physical person who is gone, but the essence of who that
person was, which of course is their soul.
The overall focus throughout the week is: I am a soul, my loved one
is a soul
Paying a Shiva Call
When one pays a shiva call, the focus is on comforting the mourners
in their time of greatest grief. Traditionally, one enters the shiva
house quietly with a small knock so as not to startle those inside. No
one should greet visitors; they simply enter on their own.
Food or drinks are not laid out for the visitors, because the
mourners are not hosts. They do not greet the visitors, rise for
them, or see them out.
One who has come to comfort a mourner should not greet the
mourners. In fact, it is best to come in silently and sit down close to
them. Take your cue from the mourners. If they feel like speaking,
let them indicate it to you by speaking first. Then you can talk to
them, but what about? Let them lead and talk about what they want
to talk about. It is best to speak about the one who has passed away,
and if you have any stories or memories to share with the mourner,
this is the time to do so.
loss and pain and gradually ease them back into the world.
and not perceptively alive, yet gradually she emerged as a
butterfly ready again to fly.
The loss is forever, but the psychological, emotional, and
spiritual healing that takes place at every stage is necessary
and healthy.
SHIVA
After the burial, the immediate mourners return to a home
called the "shiva house," to begin a seven?day period of
intense mourning. Shiva is from the word sheva, which
means seven. This week is called "sitting shiva," and is an
emotionally and spiritually healing time where the mourners
sit low, dwell together, and friends and loved ones come to
comfort them with short visits referred to as "shiva calls."
A person sits shiva after having lost a parent, spouse,
sibling, or child. All other loved ones are also mourned, but
the observances of shiva do not apply.
the deceased, for it says, "Where a person lived, there does
his spirit continue to dwell." Thus the presence of the
person who has passed away is strongest in his own home.
Ideally all of the direct mourners sit shiva in the house of
But one may sit shiva in any home. Particularly, a home of
one of the direct mourners will be filled with the spirit of the
loved one who is now gone. Memories will come easily there,
and part of the comfort of the week of shiva is sharing such
memories.
It is best for mourners to move into the shiva house
together for the week. If this is not possible, designate one
home as the shiva house, and those who cannot sleep there
may leave after dark to go home, and return to the shiva
house early in the morning.
Mourners should ideally not leave the shiva house at any
time. Others must take care of any errands or outside
commitments for them. To be seen during the day in public
would force one to put on a "public face" which is
inappropriate during this time. When family, friends and
neighbors help out during the week and provide for the
needs of the mourners, an atmosphere of love, caring and
kindness is created. This helps to soften the pain that the
mourner so deeply feels.
With some exceptions, a mourner refrains from going to
work during the week of shiva. Consult your rabbi if
pressing financial matters are at hand. Again, shiva is a
deeply personal time of reflection, coming to terms with loss
and grief, and contemplating the inner spiritual dimensions
of life. The workplace draws our thoughts and feelings
outward, thus if at all possible, should be avoided.
and not perceptively alive, yet gradually she emerged as a
butterfly ready again to fly.
The loss is forever, but the psychological, emotional, and
spiritual healing that takes place at every stage is necessary
and healthy.
SHIVA
After the burial, the immediate mourners return to a home
called the "shiva house," to begin a seven?day period of
intense mourning. Shiva is from the word sheva, which
means seven. This week is called "sitting shiva," and is an
emotionally and spiritually healing time where the mourners
sit low, dwell together, and friends and loved ones come to
comfort them with short visits referred to as "shiva calls."
A person sits shiva after having lost a parent, spouse,
sibling, or child. All other loved ones are also mourned, but
the observances of shiva do not apply.
the deceased, for it says, "Where a person lived, there does
his spirit continue to dwell." Thus the presence of the
person who has passed away is strongest in his own home.
Ideally all of the direct mourners sit shiva in the house of
But one may sit shiva in any home. Particularly, a home of
one of the direct mourners will be filled with the spirit of the
loved one who is now gone. Memories will come easily there,
and part of the comfort of the week of shiva is sharing such
memories.
It is best for mourners to move into the shiva house
together for the week. If this is not possible, designate one
home as the shiva house, and those who cannot sleep there
may leave after dark to go home, and return to the shiva
house early in the morning.
Mourners should ideally not leave the shiva house at any
time. Others must take care of any errands or outside
commitments for them. To be seen during the day in public
would force one to put on a "public face" which is
inappropriate during this time. When family, friends and
neighbors help out during the week and provide for the
needs of the mourners, an atmosphere of love, caring and
kindness is created. This helps to soften the pain that the
mourner so deeply feels.
With some exceptions, a mourner refrains from going to
work during the week of shiva. Consult your rabbi if
pressing financial matters are at hand. Again, shiva is a
deeply personal time of reflection, coming to terms with loss
and grief, and contemplating the inner spiritual dimensions
of life. The workplace draws our thoughts and feelings
outward, thus if at all possible, should be avoided.
